Are you feeling hopeless, sad, and exhausted because of your relationship? You and your partner have tried over and over to get it right. Neither of you want to leave, but more often than not, you are simply co-existing in the same space. You have arguments which start over insignificant issues, and you end up rehashing old issues, old wounds. Physical affection is non-existent, and sexual intimacy is mechanical at best. You feel overwhelmed and are not even sure you want to keep trying…
“Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion, but the creation of time and will, any committed relationship, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.” – W.H. Auden
The first step is choosing to get help with marriage or couples counseling. I have the experience and training to guide you and your partner to a new trajectory of growth separately and together as a couple. You will begin a process of bonding as never before, developing a sense of unity, and — more importantly — finally finding emotional intimacy. You will learn how this is the design and purpose for marriage and relationships. You will learn how this design can actually heal you from past relationship and personal hurts, hang-ups, and habits.
Romantic love is all about emotional bonding and attachment. We are hard-wired for relationship, the second-most significant of which is our relationship with our intimate partner. We need a partner we can depend upon, a loved one who can offer reliable emotional connection and comfort. The beauty of the dynamics in couples relationships is that becoming that type of partner will actually help develop that character in our mate.
“Love” is a decision that you make; “like” is the emotion or feeling. “Like” waxes and wanes, but you can learn to have a love which grows steadily stronger and stronger over time. When you make the decision for love, which includes being open, transparent, authentic, and vulnerable, then you will experience emotional closeness. Only with authenticity and truth can there be the trust that fosters deep, satisfying intimacy and bonding between partners. Only when this intimacy takes place is there growth. Truth + grace, over time = redemptive time or, more importantly, personal growth. This growth contributes to our spiritual and emotional maturity and healing, allowing for even deeper intimacy.
Marriage and relationships are designed for growth. No relationship is perfect; all couples have conflict. Learning how to use your relationship and the conflict between you and your partner to grow and mature is the key to success. Intimate relationships are about unnegotiables. For example, rather than just learning the basics of “better communication,” it is more important to learn “emotional communication.” You and your partner can learn to recognize “key moments” of opportunity for connection, compassion, nurturing, soothing, and protection of one another.
It is through this growth within your relationship that you will experience something much more than just fleeting feelings. This growth will enable your relationship to last for the long haul. Through the growth and maturity that happens in a healthy intimate relationship, where the partners have learned to extend grace and forgiveness to one another and have truly bonded intimately, joy can be experienced that is transferred to other areas of your life. You will be able to experience love, joy, and peace which surpasses understanding, not dependent upon circumstances. I also provide premarital counseling for couples seeking to align themselves with God’s design for marriage by building a solid biblical foundation for their relationship before their marriage.
Specific issues I specialize in providing help for in your marriage or couples therapy are:
- Conflict resolution
- Emotional intimacy
- Family issues
- Healing infidelity
- Impulse control
- Medical/health concerns
- Parenting teenagers
- Premarital counseling
- Sexual issues
- Spiritual guidance
- Substance abuse
- Trust/unity issues
- Verbal/emotional abuse